


The Snare

by Daughter_Leilani



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Chakotay is the hero, F/M, NOT a J/C non-con, NSFW, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 00:42:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14297055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daughter_Leilani/pseuds/Daughter_Leilani
Summary: Shore leave on Olara sounded like a good idea at the time.  It sounded even better to Chakotay  when Kathryn suggested he join her for a trip to the capital city.





	The Snare

Shore leave on Olara sounded like a good idea at the time. It sounded even better to Chakotay when Kathryn suggested he join her for a trip to the capital city. They met Jorel and his wife Kinar at the state welcoming dinner the night before. The couple seemed very interested to learn about their unique histories and how crews so different could learn to work together.

The dignitaries invited Voyager’s command team to a cave tour to show them the history of their own people’s struggle for peace, documented as elaborate paintings and carvings into the very cave walls. The scientists in them both readily agreed to this privileged tour, not open to the general public. Chakotay had been so intrigued by the unusual paintings that he had dropped his guard. That was how he had gotten himself into this situation..

Now, he was in a cave without markings, with no idea how he had gotten there. His hands and elbows were bound behind him against a T-shaped post in the rock floor, and he had been forced to his knees. He felt disoriented and his shoulders pulled painfully against their sockets. He was hot and sweaty with his hair pressed down into his forehead. He felt the sting of a wound behind his left ear, signaling a blow to the head which had most likely caused his memory lapse and his current vision problems. And he couldn’t remember what had happened to Kathryn.

He tried to focus his blurry eyes to find something to tell him what had happened to his captain. But he was alone in the massive chamber. There were a number of instruments, a console, and a few biobed type machines that better fit with Paris’s Captain Proton program in Chaotica’s lab than in a geological formation like a cave. He shivered, knowing he was in some kind of real medical lab, and not on a safe holodeck.

He heard the scrape of a metal door and jerked his head sharply toward the sound. Big mistake. His perception of the room tipped widely to the side and the corners of his vision began to darken with the blood rush. He took deep shaky breaths trying to keep the contents of his stomach where they belonged. The room righted itself finally and he looked up into the smiling face of Kinar. She held a tray of medical instruments.

“Good evening Commander. How are you feeling?” she asked, lowering the tray to one of the tables and advancing toward him.

“Where’s Kathryn?” he slurred.

“Oh your captain is being prepared for her examination, my sweet. We must take care of that nasty head injury. They hit you far too hard,”she purred, moving toward him with some kind of medical device.

He tried to keep his head away from her, but she held his jaw in her hand and passed the regenerator over the injured area. His vision began to clear as the swelling reduced. He still had quite a headache.

“What do you want?” he asked, when she moved back to the tray. She turned and leaned against the table, studying him under lowered lashes.

“You,” she replied. “I intend to learn everything I can about you.”

She moved slowly toward him and began to run her fingers over his shoulders and down his chest.

“I intend to learn what makes you burn, and then make sure you burn for me,” her hand slid down the front of him to grip painfully at his groin through his uniform.

He closed his eyes and swallowed the bile forcing it’s way up. This trip was a very bad idea.

“Let Kathryn go,” he commanded.

Her face turned into a pout and she moved away from him, back to the tray of instruments. She picked up a pair of scissors and turned them over and over in her hand, watching the light glint off their metal surfaces.

“I’m a little hurt, Commander. I’m offering you the evening of a lifetime and you are worried about your captain.”

“I’m tied to a post. This is certainly no fantasy of mine,” he growled, pulling against his restraints.

“Well, let’s make it one, shall we?” she smiled, pressing her hand down on a controller on the console. 

Another door opened and Jorel carried Kathryn’s unconscious body into the room. He moved to one of the bed contraptions only ten feet away from Chakotay and secured her into it, with her hands latched to a bar high above her head. He manipulated the controls on the far side of the bed, maneuvering it into a forty five degree angle, so Chakotay could clearly see her as most of her weight pulled on her arms. He latched her feet into shackles at the bottom of the unit. Jorel moved to the tray to retrieve a pair of scissors of his own before moving back to Janeway’s side.

“No, wait!” Chakotay cried, pulling as hard as he could against his bonds.

“Shall we see what’s under the uniforms, darling?” Kinar called to her husband.

“Indeed,” Jorel replied, cutting away the jacket and turtleneck layers of Janeway’s uniform. “I’m interested to see if this delightful pink skin is the same shade everywhere on her.”

Kinar grinned wolfishly and moved toward Chakotay with her scissors, cutting away his jacket and turtleneck as well. She pulled the upper layers away and began cutting his tank.

“Kinar, listen to me. I will give you whatever you want, but you have to let her go. Please don’t do this to her,” he pleaded.

“Oh I have no doubt,” she replied, never removing her eyes from her task. “But I have to give Jorel something to play with too, otherwise this just isn’t fair to him.”

He looked back at his captain, watching Jorel cut away the last bit of her uniform slacks. She was still unconscious but now dressed in only her satin underwear and bra. He felt Kinar cut away his trousers, exposing his legs.

“Interesting, Kinar,” Jorel called. “They don’t wear undergarments of the same material. His are loose. But hers… hers are tightly covering her flesh.”

His blood boiled as Jorel ran his hands over Kathryn’s chest and thighs. Kinar grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at her. She grinned ferally at the anger in his eyes.

“I’ll kill you both,” Chakotay hissed.

Jorel looked up at him and Kinar laughed in his face. She raised one hand out to the side and gestured to her husband. The alien man moved to the tray and then to her side, depositing an injection device into her hand before returning his attention to Janeway.

“Now Commander, I can’t have you making threats like that,” the alien woman purred.

She injected the device’s contents into his neck. He opened his mouth to ask what it was when a burning fire ripped through his tongue and down his neck. The intensity so strong it brought tears to his eyes.

“One of my favorites,” she whispered close to his ear. “The venom of a beetle on our world. It partially paralyzes the tongue preventing normal speech. And when the victim tries to make sounds, the poison burns through the stretching muscles. This way I can still hear your groans, but you won’t be making any more threats.”

And she flicked her wrist cutting away his boxers, the last remaining covering on his skin. Blinking fiercely, trying to push down the pain, he tried to form words to his captors.

“Vo...vo..voya...ger…” he finally ground out.

“Ah yes, I do need to handle them,” she gleefully replied, moving back toward the console. “Let me show you another of our little devices.”

She placed a metal disc at the base of her throat and it began to blink. She bent to Janeway’s discarded uniform and retrieved her communicator.

“Janeway to Voyager,” she called, in a perfect recreation of Kathryn’s voice.

He began pulling as hard as he could on his restraints and trying to force a scream from his lips, while tears from the effect of the venom poured down his cheeks. The only sounds he could produce were mid volume grunts and whimpers. Kinar easily moved out of range of his pitiful voice.

“The commander and I have been invited to a deep tunnel tour and overnight in the city by our hosts. We will be in the lower shafts of the catacombs and communication will not be possible. Please direct any necessary communication to the senior officer on duty.”

“And if we require you,” Tuvok replied.

“Contact the city government. They have internal communications to relay a message to us if absolutely necessary. Otherwise we will see you tomorrow. Janeway out.”

He slumped, silently sobbing at his inability to get through to the Vulcan, and the excruciating pain of the venom on his vocal chords. His body shook from his efforts to pull away from the post, his arms completely numb.

Kinar plucked the voice device from her skin and slid it across the table to rest next to Janeway’s comm badge. She was moving back toward him when their own internal communications activated, calling her away. She looked regretfully at her husband as he moved to her side. She lifted Chakotay’s chin and leered at him.

“Don’t go away, I’ll be back shortly,” she breathed before walking out of the cavern and slamming the door behind them.

He took deep breaths trying to overcome the burning on his face and neck. He had to wake Kathryn. She wasn’t as fiercely restrained. Maybe she could get loose. Their comm badges were only a few feet from him. He steeled himself for the new onslaught of pain and tried to call out to her.

“Ka..th...ryn,” he cried. She didn’t stir. He took a deep breath and tried to call out the word as quickly as he could, knowing the full force of the venom’s burn would be right behind it.

“Kathr…!” he yelled, his vision darkening from the pain. The tears ran freely down his cheeks again as he tried to work through the pain. “Ugh!”

She finally started to moan and move her head side to side. 

He blinked, trying to clear his vision from the pain once more.

“Kat...ryn…” he whispered.

She finally opened her eyes, disoriented. She realized quickly that she couldn’t move more than a few inches and her wrists were restrained above her head on the bed. She glanced down at herself, revealing her state of undress, and blushed deeply. She turned her head toward the pained groans coming from her first officer. Her eyes widened as she saw his nakedness and violent way his arms were pulled behind him.

“Chakotay,” she called.

His pain filled eyes met hers, and she saw the redness and tear tracks on his face as his mouth contorted into a grimace.

“What happened?” she asked, fighting against her arm restraints.

“Jor...el…” he whispered. “Kin..ar…”

He began to shake his head furiously, trying to rid himself of the burning. It drew her attention back from her own shackles. He began to stare and whimper at the comm badge still on the breast of his uniform jacket on the floor.

“I’ll try to get to it,” she replied, pulling harder on the bar she was attached to.

She pulled against the cuffs until she thought she was going to break her wrists. Her skin scraped and tore under the abuse. She tried to pick at the locking mechanisms with her fingernails, until they too ripped and bled. She struggled to lift her hips, trying to pull her ankles from the shackles at the foot of her bed. She was bruising herself black and blue, she knew. But there was no other option. Chakotay was obviously in pain and unable to move in his restrained position. Finally, she had to give up. The bonds were not going to let her go. She sagged against the reclined bed.

“Chakotay, I don’t know why you can’t talk. But Voyager will come for us. We have a check in scheduled by 1800 and when we miss it, Tuvok will come find us,” she called, trying to reassure him.

He shook his head miserably and nodded toward her comm badge on the table beside them. The turn exposed the angry puncture on his neck from Kinar’s injection device to Janeway. She gasped in shock at the welted deep red and purple mark expanding out from the puncture and up the underside of his jaw.

“What did they inject you with?!” she cried. “Your neck… it’s swelling.”

He nodded his understanding and hung his head, taking deep breaths. She pulled again with all her strength against the clasps of the bed, forcing herself not to scream as she ripped more skin under the restraints. They both jerked toward the sound of an opening door. Kinar entered alone.

“Well, well, well. Good evening, Captain. Welcome to our little lab,” she cooed.

“Why are you holding us here?”

Kinar moved to Chakotay’s side and ran her hand affectionately through his hair before moving his head to rest his cheek against her hip.

“To study you,” she replied, tracing her fingers over Chakotay’s tattoo. He could only whimper in protest, his face showing his anger that he was unable to vocalize.

“What have you done to him?” Janeway demanded.

“So feisty… I introduced him to our lurva beetle. A delightful little poison that paralyzes the tongue and makes vocalization extremely painful. Don’t worry. You will experience it yourself soon enough.”

The alien woman moved back toward the tray of instruments and examined each one closely. 

“Where is Jorel? I demand that you release us!”

Kinar cackled as her hands settled on the blade of a thin knife. Lifting it from its sheathing, she studied the fine edge in the light of the lab. She moved toward Janeway with the knife in front of her in an attack position. She slid it up under the older woman’s jaw, resting the sharp blade against her main artery.

“Jorel won’t save you, Janeway. He’s the one who cut that uniform from your body. He will be back to play later. For now, I’m going back to my prize.”

“Why are you doing this?” Janeway asked, trying to keep her away from Chakotay.

The alien was obviously annoyed by Janeway’s voice. She moved toward the tray of instruments again and retrieved another injection of the beetle venom. Chakotay began to thrash against his bonds again, grunting at Kinar to deter her from injecting Janeway. She ignored him.

“Because,” Kinar whispered in Janeway’s ear as she injected the venom into her neck. “I can.”

Kathryn opened her mouth to reply and felt the first waves of the venom ripping through her jaw. She would have doubled over in pain if her body weren’t suspended in the cradle. The alien hummed and took the knife back toward Chakotay.

Kathryn watched in horror as Kinar ran the blade of her knife down Chakotay’s chest in between his pectoral muscles, leaving a thin red line of blood in her wake. His face grimaced in pain again, both from the cut and from the venom blocking his moan. Kinar lifted her finger to run along the slice. Moving her hand toward her mouth, she sighed in satisfaction as she had her first taste of his blood. She adjusted her posture so Janeway would have a clear view of what she was doing to the first officer.

Kinar returned the knife to Chakotay’s skin, just under his navel and ran another line down the arrow of hair leading to his groin. This time, Chakotay did cry out as the blade nicked the base of his penis. Janeway slammed her body as hard as she could against her bonds creating a distraction for Kinar.

“What, Janeway?!” she cried, looking over her shoulder at the human.

“St..op...” she grunted. “Im…. Cap..tain..”

“Yes,” Kinar replied, annoyed. “But he is male. You are here for Jorel’s pleasure, not mine. Be silent or I will execute you.”

Satisfied Janeway would remain quiet for the moment, Kinar returned her attention to Chakotay’s body. His eyes were tightly closed, but the wet lines down his face and neck from his earlier tears painted a horrifying portrait. She set the knife aside and leaned down to lick at the blood of her newest cut. Kathryn’s eyes were riveted to the movement.

The alien nipped along his length, humming with glee as it responded to her touches. Chakotay flinched and kept his eyes shut as he tried to mentally remove himself from the situation, as they had both been taught at the academy. Kinar was so involved in arousing him, she didn’t notice the shimmer of the transporter collecting Janeway’s badge from the table and Chakotay’s badge and jacket from the floor.

Kathryn’s heart thundered wildly. Tuvok knew there was something wrong and had tried to transport them back. When he received only the badges, the protocol was to lock on to their biosigns and beam them up that way. She only had a few seconds before he would try and she knew Kinar had to be away from Chakotay for a clean lock. She screamed as loud as she possibly could and threw her body against her restraints, feeling her wrists finally fracture under the weight.

Kinar moved her mouth away from her objective with a yell. Turning back toward Janeway, she grabbed the knife from the floor and moved directly toward her, intending to end the annoying woman’s life once and for all. Her eyes widened as Janeway smirked at her. The blue swirls of a transporter engulfed her prizes and the alien screamed in rage as they disappeared.

They materialized on Voyager’s transporter platform. Chakotay, still on his knees, and Janeway standing beside him. She fell to the floor and wrapped her arms around his shaking form, hiding him as best she could from the transporter attendant. Tuvok’s voice rang through the room.

“Transporter room, do you have them?”

“Yes sir!” Carey replied. “Sending them to sickbay now.”

She felt her ship jump to warp through the deck plating as she materialized on the floor of sickbay. The EMH hovered nearby, but Chakotay wouldn’t release his locked arms from around her body as his shook. She wanted to comfort him, to reassure him of his safety, but the venom still impaired her speech as well. The Doctor approached with a sedative and after emptying the contents into his bloodstream, Chakotay’s arms finally let go of her. She tried to help the Doctor lift his body to the bed, but her wrists screamed in protest and she hissed in pain. 

The Doctor managed to get the first officer onto a biobed by himself and covered him with a blanket. He helped her gingerly slide onto an adjacent biobed with a medical tricorder in his free hand. He waved the wand over her hands and neck.

“Two fractured metacarpals in each hand, left ulna broken above the wrist, and some kind of venom in this puncture wound,” he muttered.

He moved to his instrument tray and retrieved a hypospray. He adjusted the dosage and emptied it into her neck. She felt the muscles in her jaw relax as the medication neutralized the venom.

“Thank you Doctor. That’s much better,” she whispered in a gravelly voice.

“The hindrance on your vocal chords should pass in a few hours. They were extremely inflamed from the toxin. Let me repair those bones in your arms and then we will get you some clothing,” he replied, running the osteo regenerator along her wrists.

She had all but forgotten she was still in her bra and panties. She was too concerned with what happened and the man sedated on the neighboring biobed. She called to the computer to open a communication line.

“Janeway to the bridge.”

“Tuvok here captain. It is good to hear from you.”

“What’s our status?”

“Traveling away from this system at high warp. Once we discovered the deception, I ordered you transported aboard immediately and we left the area. We are not being pursued.”

“Good, I look forward to your report. Janeway out.”

The Doctor released her hands and moved to her feet. He gently ran the machine over each damaged area.

“I don’t suppose I want to know how you did this?” 

“Probably not,” she replied quietly.

“I noticed Commander Chakotay has some injuries close to a delicate area. Was he..?” he asked, releasing her feet and helping her down off the biobed.

“He wasn’t, Doctor. Not yet. But Tuvok couldn’t have cut the timing any closer,” she sighed.

“I will install a counseling subroutine into my program just in case.”

“A wise precaution, Doctor.”

She stepped behind the partition and replicated a new uniform. She slid the tank top over her head and tucked it into her slacks. Watching him being attacked like that had caused memories to surface that she wanted desperately to forget. Underneath the pain and anger of those memories, something else fluttered to life.And the urge to protect him at all costs, even from himself. It was more than a friendship; more than a commanding officer. Watching someone you.. Love.. experience that kind of act left little doubt on the remaining shreds of her resolve. He needed someone who loved him by his side now. And she was determined to be there for him right now. Chakotay was probably going to need counseling for his very near rape. She probably should have a session of her own. Helping him through the aftermath was going to take a lot out of her. She paused, lifting her turtleneck over head. 

She knew how important surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones was after a strong emotional trauma. Now she was faced with a balancing act, one that she wasn’t really prepared for, but she wasn’t going to run from it because it might be hard. He was worth any effort or struggle. She sighed, zipping her jacket over her turtleneck and attaching her pips.

She stepped out into the main bay and saw the Doctor straightening the blankets around Chakotay.

“Everything okay?” she asked, touching Chakotay’s tanned hand gently.

“Yes. I’ve neutralized the venom in his system as well. He had a substantially larger dose than you did. I’ve also repaired the cuts to his torso and pelvis, and reduced the inflammation along his shoulder joints. From the looks of it, I would say he has been restrained for a least a few hours.”

She nodded grimly.

“We don’t know how long we were out before we woke up in the chamber. He was awake before I was. I didn’t see what all happened to him. When I came to, he was already…” her voice broke before she could say the word. *Stripped*.

“Is there a chance that you were sexually assaulted, Captain?” the Doctor asked, moving to scan her again.

“No, Doctor. They were interrupted the first time, I think. When I woke up, I was dressed as I was when I arrived here. My injuries were sustained trying to get to Chakotay while Kinar was with him.”

The Doctor nodded his understanding. He moved over to the computer console and entered several commands before he spoke. 

“I'm putting you both off duty for 48 hours at least. Tuvok is in command and I will be releasing Chakotay as soon as the sedative wears off. I'm releasing you to your quarters but if you go near the bridge, I will beam you right back to this medical bay. Do you understand?” 

She nodded mutely and headed for the door.

“Captain?” he called to her before she could trigger the sensor.

“Yes?”

“I’m here if you need to talk. A counseling session for yourself probably wouldn’t be a bad idea,” he replied, with a knowing look.

She nodded once again and stepped through the doors into the hall. Greeted by the smiles of several crewmembers she passed on her way to the turbolift, she felt a little better. She managed to smile in return as well. Riding the lift to deck 15, she stepped out and moved toward one of her favorite hiding places.

It was originally designed to be a Captain’s yacht that could detach from the underside of Voyager’s saucer. But the craft would cause a large hole in the bowel of the ship, so the idea was scrapped during production. But, you could still see its outline from the exterior of the ship and there were a few good portals that provided quiet places to think away from the crew. She found herself settling into a pile of pillows next to the window in the yacht. She leaned back against the bulkhead and drew her knees to her chest.

This had been far too close. Another few minutes…. She couldn’t bear to finish the thought. While Chakotay had never been ashamed of his body, he was also an intensely private man. An experience like this could have disastrous consequences for him. And she knew it would have been only a matter of time before the second alien would return and Chakotay would have been forced to watch the same things happening to her. She shivered and drew her arms tighter around her lower body. Too close.

The door to her hideaway slid open and she quickly checked her cheeks for stray tears. Tuvok slipped in beside her to kneel on the pillows. He steepled his fingers and carefully regarded his captain.

“The Doctor informed me that you have been relieved for the next two days. I wanted to see if you required anything of me?”

She reached over and rested a hand atop his knotted fingers. She softly stroked them for a moment, staring out the window at the stars flying past at warp. Taking a deep breath, she turned back to him.

“Not yet, but I might. Please remind Mr. Carey to keep his observations from the transporter room to himself. Chakotay wouldn’t want that information spreading throughout the ship. Neither do I.”

“Of course, Captain,” Tuvok replied, handing her his report on their rescue. “Will there be anything else?”

She shook her head no. He nodded and rose to leave. Just before triggering the door, she stopped him.

“Tuvok… I know that Chakotay won’t talk to the Doctor even though he needs counseling. Will you try to get him to come here? I think it would do us both good if we could talk it out together. Maybe I can convince him we both should have a session or two.”

Tuvok nodded. “I will see to it that you are not disturbed. Call me if you require anything further. I am sure this experience was difficult for you. I am available to you at anytime, Kathryn.”

She sighed as he walked out of the room and relaxed against the pillows to wait and read the report.

 

*******************************************

She must have dozed off in the yacht. She awoke to a sense of someone watching her. She opened her eyes to see Chakotay in uniform and mirroring her position on the other side of the small cubby. His legs stretched out alongside hers, his feet at her knees. His arms were gently folded in his lap as he watched her.

“Tuvok suggested you might be down here,” he started, swallowing uncomfortably.

“Yes,” she replied, not daring to move any closer to him. “I’m not sure what to say. I assume you refused the Doctor’s offer of counseling?”

He stared at her while tipping his head to the side and crossing his arms protectively against his chest.

“You did too,” he replied.

“I’d rather talk to you.”

His breath caught as he involuntarily stiffened.

“What do you want me to say?” he finally replied. “That I’m alright? Because I’m not. We both know that.”

“I know that, too. This is not something that just goes away,” she whispered, carefully avoiding his eyes. “Especially when someone you care about witnesses it.”

He straightened his posture and crawled toward her so he was kneeling beside her.

“You?” he questioned.

“Yes… a long time ago,” she confessed, finally making eye contact with him again. “And I can tell you it doesn’t ever go away. But if you don’t talk about it, you will never be able to live again. The memory will consume you.”

They stared intently into each other’s eyes for several minutes, but remained quiet. He reached up and gingerly brushed the stray hair out of her eyes that had fallen loose when she dozed off. She leaned into the touch, closing her eyes for a moment. He glanced at her pips, silently requesting her permission to remove them. Without breaking eye contact with him, she reached to her collar and pulled them off, one by one, and put them in his palm. She removed his rank bar as well, placing it next to hers and curling his hand around them.

“Just us,” he breathed. “Tell me?”

She took a shaky breath and found a spot above his shoulder to concentrate on.

“I was an ensign. On a mission near Cardassian space. My captain and I took out a shuttle to explore a nebula we were studying. The Cardassians disabled us and towed us in. They eventually dropped us in a detention camp where we were held for ten days. The wardens tried to get command information out of my captain. I was their after work entertainment. Justin Tighe and the Starfleet Rangers rescued us.”

He took a labored breath and she finally looked into his eyes and saw a tear slip over his cheek.

“Justin your first fiance?”

“Yes…”

He slumped and ran his other hand through his hair. He couldn’t believe this had happened to her. It was worse than what he had dealt with. While he was only exposed and injured, she had been violated completely. More than once. The knowledge didn’t reassure him as she had intended. Instead it made him feel worse about his reaction in the cavern.

“I shouldn’t be upset. You’ve obviously been through much worse…” he started.

She grabbed his forearm with a tight grip.

“No, Chakotay. No. That’s not why I told you that. An assault is an assault. I told you that so you would understand that it will get easier. Knowing someone you care about saw it can be a blessing, not a curse. You can’t hide from it that way.”

He slid backward to lay on his back and stare up at the ceiling beside her, the rank insignia still clamped tightly in his hand.

“How did you get over the inadequacy?” he finally asked, after several minutes of silence.

“What do you mean?” she asked, laying down beside him and joining him in staring at the ceiling.

“I felt… Helpless… I couldn’t protect you… I couldn’t even move. I should have been a man and kept control of the situation. Instead I whimpered like a damn child,” he cursed through gritted teeth.

She flinched slightly at his self directed anger. After several minutes, he relaxed and she slid her hand over to grip his empty one.

“After my assault, I didn’t feel like a woman anymore” she whispered, drawing patterns on his hand with her thumb. “I felt like no one could look at me and see anything other than the cowering mess I was in that room. But that was my head playing tricks on me. No one else thought of me that way.”

“That’s how I feel now,” he replied shakily. “That I’m not a man because I couldn’t save you. That all you see when you look at me is a whimpering, helpless child.”

She looked pointedly at him until he finally turned his head to meet her eyes. She gripped his hand tighter.

“All I see,” she whispered, “is a very brave man, who despite circumstances beyond his control, did everything he could to facilitate our rescue. Do you know how Tuvok knew we were in trouble?”

He shook his head, blinking rapidly.

“He heard you… over the comm line the alien used my comm badge for. You must have already had the venom in your system because he said you were very quiet, but he heard you. You saved us, Chakotay. *You* did.”

The air rushed from his lungs in a choked sound as his eyes squeezed shut against a fresh onslaught of tears. 

She scooted closer to him and whispered. “You’re a hero.”

He gripped her hand so tightly she thought he might break the bones again in her newly healed fingers. The pips and his rank bar fell out of his hand and bounced across the pillows. He lifted the hand to cover his mouth as he held back a sob, his body shaking slightly.

“Promise me you will talk to the Doctor for counseling,” she whispered, after several heartbeats of silence.

“I promise, Kathryn... I promise,” he replied, balling his fist loosely over his mouth. The relief he felt, knowing she didn’t blame him for everything that happened washed over him like a balm.

In time, they would be okay. It wasn’t going to heal overnight, but drawing strength from each other, he knew they would eventually heal. Knowing she still saw the strong man he felt he used to be, even if he didn’t see it now, was enough. He would go to the counseling sessions like he promised. They would work through it together, and hopefully come out stronger together on the other side. Even if he couldn’t trust himself right now, he knew he could trust her. And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a non-consent story writer, but I have to say, these characters put up with a lot without showing weakness. I can't believe everything he has seen in the Maquis couldn't cause a breakdown like this. The toughest guys usually feel the hurt the deepest.


End file.
